Floody hell, it's Christmas Eve!

2012: Memorable for the queen's diamond jubilee, the Olympics, The Great British Bake Off and the Christmas floods. All of it overshadowed (in my mind, at least) by My Christmas Cooking Marathon. Loyal followers will know that I have been smugly preparing for weeks, but I have recently been having this recurring nightmare where I am locked in the kitchen for hours at a time cooking, while the hands on the clock turn faster and faster, but the list of jobs barely diminishes. And then I realise that's no dream - it's my really real life.

Merry Christmas

If anyone wants me, I'll be lying behind the sofa with an empty bottle of cooking sherry...

With best wishes for a salmonella-free Christmas.

Oh yes you can!

Roast potatoes: For some, the most important element of the feast. You can get ahead by par-boiling your potatoes and freezing them now, freeing up hob space and saving your Christmas manicure from the peeler.

Ready for roasting

Perfect make-ahead roast potatoes

Bring the potatoes to the boil and let them bubble away for about 7-10 minutes until the centres are still firm but the outsides are getting soft, before draining and shaking them to rough up their edges. Then open freeze them (on baking trays, covered in plastic), before bagging them up. You can cook them straight from frozen, but allow an extra 15 minutes' cooking time. Put them into the hot fat of your choice at 200/gas 6 and cook for about 60-90 minutes depending on size and whether or not you defrosted them first. Turn them once during cooking.

Brandy butter

I think I might have added too much brandy to my brandy butter. But by the time the brandy butter is needed, the cook needs brandy. She has burned her fingers on all manner of hot dishes, steamed open her pores over the boiling vegetables, cried salty tears into the gravy and pulled crackers with gusto while her varicose veins throb silently under the table. Although the cook doesn't clear up, she has to oversee the clearing up, otherwise all leftovers will be thrown away and there will be nothing to eat for the next week. She then has to round everyone up and back to the table and carry a flaming pudding, risking hair, eyebrows and textiles. When the fire goes out, at least half of the diners will say "I don't really like Christmas pudding"...

Brandy butter

Brandy butter

Make yours now and keep it in the fridge until Christmas day. It's really very simple. For 8 people, beat together 6oz (175g) butter at room temperature and 6oz (175g) sugar until fluffy. Then add 5 tablespoons of brandy, one at a time. Substitute rum for brandy if you like; use salted or unsalted butter, and any kind of sugar. I used salted butter and unbleached caster sugar. 

Balls

Show me a bored housewife who says she doesn't like to spend an afternoon playing with balls, and I'll show you a liar... Another tick on the festive 'to do' list and sausagemeat under my fingernails. Whoop whoop!

Soon to be frozen balls

Cranberry apple sausagemeat balls

Gather together:

A 450g packet of sausagemeat
An onion
A couple of cloves of garlic, crushed
75g dried cranberries
An apple, grated
A few sprigs of fresh parsley, chopped

Chop the onion finely and fry it in a knob of butter until soft. Add the crushed garlic and cook for another minute. Set aside. Meanwhile, combine all the other ingredients in a bowl and add the onion/garlic when cool. Season, then squish everything together and shape into balls of your favourite size. Put them on a baking tray covered with clingfilm in the freezer. When they have frozen solid you can prise them off the tray and bag them up. Remember to defrost them in plenty of time, and bake them in a hot oven (about 200/gas 6) for about 30 minutes.

Bready steady go

Two weeks to go! I haven't written a single card yet, but I have made bread sauce today. It's not something I'd want to eat often, but the nutmeg and cloves give it that unmistakable taste of Christmas.

Ingredients for bread sauce

Bread sauce

To make enough for 8, you need:

2 onions
6 cloves
6 peppercorns
4 bay leaves
600ml (1 pint) milk
175g (6oz) fresh white breadcrumbs
300ml (half a pint) single cream
125g (4oz) butter
2 teaspoons freshly grated nutmeg
4 tablespoons creme fraiche

Cut the onions in half, peel them and put them in a pan with the peppercorns, cloves, bay leaves and milk. Bring it gently to the boil and set aside for about 3 hours. Strain the milk back into the pan over a low heat and add the breadcrumbs gradually, stirring well, until boiling. Simmer for a few minutes or until the sauce thickens. Cool and freeze.

Remember to defrost the sauce in plenty of time, then re-heat it gently in a pan, adding the cream, butter, nutmeg and plenty of seasoning. Stir in the creme fraiche just before serving. I usually miss out the butter, or put half the amount in - you decide.

Pigs in blankets

Seasonal sausages

Part 3 of my cook ahead for Christmas campaign involves spending time wrapping pigs in blankets. Yes, take one piece of fatty meat-stuff and wrap it in another piece of fatty meat-stuff like so:

Pigs in blankets

It doesn't take very long and doesn't involve any cooking. Use any type of bacon and chipolata. Freeze them, covered, on trays. When frozen, chip them off the trays and put them into freezer bags or boxes for easier storage.