Magic mushrooms

An unknown man commented to me in the street today "You're dressed for the weather"... It didn't sound entirely complimentary. In other news, my housekeeping skills have been especially poor these past few days and I've really been scraping the barrel/bottom of the fridge. But I found a pack of mushrooms - best before a couple of days ago - and squeezed two tasty meals out of them. Necessity is the mother of invention.

Fun guys in the woods

Bacon and mushroom spaghetti for one

Put half a pack of sliced mushrooms, half a pack of lardons and a half a thinly sliced onion in a frying pan with a small knob of butter and cook until everything is soft. Meanwhile cook a handful of spaghetti. Beat an egg, add a splash of double cream and plenty of pepper and set aside for a moment. Drain the pasta and tip it into the frying pan with all the lovely stuff. Pour in the egg and cream mixture and stir well over a low heat for a couple of minutes before serving with grated Parmesan.

Cheese and mushroom quesadilla for one

Cook half a thinly sliced onion and half a pack of sliced mushrooms together in a pan with a small knob of butter. Meanwhile heat the oven to about 200/gas 6 and grate a handful of cheese. Place a flour tortilla on a baking sheet then cover it with the cheese and mushroom/onion mix. Top with another tortilla and bake for about 5-10 minutes until lightly browned on top. Eat hot with leftover salsa and guacamole.

Cheese and onion quiche

The 8 year old vegetarian is giving me a headache; she has also given me an excuse to indulge my latest passion - buying cookery books from eBay. As I usually shop with one eye on the telly, the books that arrive can be a bit of a surprise, but what an education! Anyone for minced tongue and bacon with hot beetroot relish, liver sausage flan or hydropathic pudding?

Today's recipe for cheese and onion quiche is from an old favourite, The Big Food and Drink Book, which accompanied the tv series (remember Jilly Goolden's mad hair and mad wine descriptions?).

No liver sausage in this flan

Cheese and onion quiche   

Ready made pastry

a large knob of butter

225g onions, peeled and thinly sliced

150g Gruyere/Leicester cheese, finely grated (I used half Cheddar, half Gruyere)

2 eggs

1 egg yolk

100ml milk (I used up some double cream mixed with skimmed milk)

Pre-heat oven to 220/gas 7. Fry the onions gently in the butter until they are soft and sweet, but not browned. Line a 20cm (8inch) metal flan dish with the pastry, spread the onions across the base and top with the grated cheese. Beat the eggs, yolk, and milk together and pour them over the cheese and onion. Cook for about 25 minutes, then turn down the oven to 190/gas 5 and cook for another 10 minutes until the top is brown. 

Food on sticks

Admit it, you remember parties where the culinary climax was a half grapefruit covered in foil and studded with cocktail sticks containing a cube of cheese and a piece of tinned pineapple. Closely followed by sausages. I have made the cheese and pineapple hedgehog for my own children's parties and let me tell you that unless you get the right type of cheese it's a nightmare. Too crumbly, and the carefully cut cube disintegrates as you begin to thread it on the stick.

The French have a nifty way with a stale baguette and some sticks: Cut the bread into slices, thread them onto a skewer, grill one side, turn over, top with cheese (preferably goat's), grill and serve with a well-dressed salad.

But here, from a warmer continent altogether, is my favourite speared food:

Fragrantly spiced succulent chicken skewers

Chicken Tikka skewers

Serves 2:

2 chicken breasts
1½ - 2 tablespoons tikka curry paste
1 tablespoon lemon juice
2 tablespoons natural yogurt
1 garlic clove, crushed

Mix the paste, juice, yogurt and garlic together in a bowl. Cut the chicken into even size chunks and put it in the bowl, mixing it around well to get an even coating of the marinade. Leave it for an hour (minimum) or overnight. Thread onto skewers and cook under a hot grill, turning half-way through.

I like to mix things up and serve these with a flavoured couscous for maximum taste and minimum cooking time.

Save your dough

January - the month of austerity. Maybe Dave's nicked your child benefit; maybe you spent a little too much on Christmas; or maybe you've resolved to save up for something nice. Just don't spend it on supermarket or takeaway pizza when you can make your own so easily.

Made by children for children

Pizza dough

1 teaspoon easy-blend dried yeast
300g white bread flour
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon sugar
2 tablespoons olive oil
150 ml warm water

I use a bread maker, putting all the ingredients into it in the order listed above. It only takes 45 minutes, though I often make it in advance and leave it to rest in the machine until I am ready to cook. Pre-heat the oven to 220/gas 7 and roll out the dough to about 30cm diameter. Now add the tomato base layer. (Use ready-made tomato pasta sauce for speed - you can jazz up a bit by heating it in a pan with some crushed garlic, herbs, chopped tomatoes and a bit of sugar.) Then pile on anything you can find - sliced mozzarella plus a bit of Stilton, Brie, goat's cheese, parmesan, mascarpone, salami, ham, parma ham, bacon, olives, pine nuts, sliced tomatoes, mushrooms, courgettes, herbs, a drizzle of olive oil (chilli oil is my favourite)... Cook for about 15-20 minutes until it looks delicious.

You can also make it by hand: combine the dry ingredients in a bowl, make a well for the water and oil and mix until everything is incorporated. Knead on a floured surface for about 5 minutes, then cover with a tea towel and set aside until you are ready.

Cheese and leek macaroni cheese

Mealtimes wouldn't be mealtimes in this household without a sneer. I've added a leek to tonight's macaroni cheese which is sure to attract some curled lips and unfavourable comments. It will also give your mac 'n' cheese a bit of colour and a touch of sweetness.

I used wholemeal pasta for extra sneers

Cheese and leek macaroni cheese

2oz butter
1½ oz plain flour
About 15 fl oz milk (I used skimmed)
1 leek
8oz pasta
7oz grated cheese
¼ teaspoon English mustard

Cook the pasta. While you're doing that, put the leeks and butter into a pan over a low heat. Cook for about 5 minutes (still low) after the butter has melted, then add the flour and stir well. Pour in the milk, a bit at a time, stirring continuously. When the milk's all in add the cheese, mustard and a few grinds of black pepper and stir some more. Drain and rinse the pasta, and mix it into the sauce. Transfer to an ovenproof dish, sprinkle over another couple of ounces of cheese and stick under a hot grill until the cheese is melted and bubbling.

Soup for freaks

When your loved one sends you a message saying they look like the Mule Faced Woman (from Ripley's Believe It Or Not?) following minor dental surgery, there's only one thing to do: make soup.

The Mule Faced Woman

Cauliflower cheese soup

Roughly chop a smallish cauliflower and an onion. Put them in a saucepan and add enough water to cover about two thirds of the veg. Add a stock cube, bring slowly to the boil and allow to simmer for at least 30 minutes. While that's happening, make a cheese sauce by mixing 30g plain flour into 30g melted butter, adding about half a pint of milk, a teaspoon of English mustard and about 100g cheese. The end result should be reasonably thick and tasty. Tip the contents of both pans into a blender and whizz until smooth and creamy.

Grace McDaniels made a good living out of being 'The World's Ugliest Woman', though she preferred to be called the Mule Faced Woman. Looks to me like she's just having a bit of trouble with her Big Mac...

Nature's microwave meal

Baked potatoes

Stick them in the microwave (or oven, or a combination of both).  We like ours with lashings of beans and grated cheese.  What's your favourite filling?

Leftovers: Cool them and scoop out the flesh.  Mix it with a combination of grated cheese, and either a blob of cream cheese, cream or butter and some black pepper.  Squish the cheesy-creamy mixture back into the skins, put them in the fridge and bake for about 30 minutes in a hottish oven when you are ready to eat them.

Ingredients for a quick pear crumble

Pear Crumble

Pudding tonight is pear crumble.  Crumble mix can be made in a food processor in about 2 minutes and stored in an airtight container in the fridge for 3 weeks or so.  You can then create a delicious pudding in no time at all from any sad-looking fruit that happens to be hanging around.  Just chop it up, add a splash or two of water, some sugar if you think it needs it, top with crumble mixture and bake for about 40 minutes until the fruit juice is bubbling over the edges of the crumble.  These can be made in miniature in ramekins - good for children and those unable to exercise portion control!  Serve with something cold and creamy - the children like Ambrosia custard straight from the carton.

Crumble:
Mix together 175g plain flour and 140g butter until they resemble fine breadcrumbs.  Add 75g any sugar and 100g oats and stir together.